Should I not?
My head was a blur. These past few months of avoidance, self-denial and running away has finally reached their breaking point – I could no longer run from this.
“Just stay with me, I’ll do anything for you to stay.”
His words echoed in my mind.
Even when I broke the harsh words to him – that I no longer loved him – he was still willing to take me in his arms.
No, I didn’t mean them, but I had to say it.
But how can I… how can I break the heart of a man whose heart beats for me?
How can I shatter his soul, when he once said that I was the one who healed it?
How could I hurt him?
How can I bear to?
The months we had together, even amidst the occasional quarrels, they were magical, beautiful and gave me genuine joy – I wouldn’t have it with anyone else.
I let him into the inner depths of my heart, parts which I’d deliberately secured from the outside. I showed him all the shades of me, and still he chose to love me – every single piece of it.
I was broken, yet he didn’t try to fix me, he embraced me – he taught me that it was okay to have faults, it was okay not to be whole.
Unknowingly to him, the broken parts started to mend. They may call me silly, but his love was my remedy.
But I wasn’t his.
He lessened under my touch. He was getting fragmented while trying to embosom me. He, himself was breaking trying to save the woman he loved.
I was his poison.
He was craving something that was slowly smothering him – he couldn’t see.
But I did, I knew.
So how could I cling onto him?
How could I hold onto a love that heals me, yet kills him in the meantime?
I pulled off the ring that hugged tightly on my finger.
I couldn’t be his intoxication any longer, I couldn’t be his poison, no more.